ponedeljek, 07. maj 2018

Selfish happiness in relation to caretake


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be happy, because I don’t have to take care of mine demented and physically weak grandmother anymore – as I see that that is just polarity from times when I was responsible for her to a great extent and I felt unhappy.

When and as I see myself existing in selfish happiness as feeling of being free of responsibilities regarding care-taking for demented and physically weak grandmother, I stop and breathe.
I realize that taking care for such a person is already hard enough without reactions like unhappiness. I see that it is possible, that I will have to take care for another demented+ person in my life and in that case it would be much easier for me if I would accept that job and leave unhappiness behind.

I commit myself to stop pumping that happy feeling when it arises within me, as I know that unhappiness in case of repeated experience of taking care for demented one would be proportionally at least as big as it was happiness I had built before...

Hmmm… which word could I live instead – any suggestions?

sreda, 02. maj 2018

Fear of skilled speaker(s)


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of person’s skills in relation to manipulation of words and intonation and within this feel inferior to her.

When and as I see myself existing as fear of her skills in relation to manipulation of words and intonation and within this feel inferior to her -- I stop and breathe.

I realize that felt like this in my childhood towards my parents and is was really uncomfortable and powerless experience - it felt so unfair, because they had their tools - words and I didn't have such a strong vocabulary, thus I wasn't equal in negotiations with them. But after some years situation has turned - I started to use a humor to 'disarm' them. But in both cases there was an Ego win.

I commit myself to, when I get in conflict with skilled speaker, re-focus my attention from fearing them into learning from them. Then I us that practical skill with starting point of support and I don't allow myself to use it for spitefulness; no matter if other speaker does.




sreda, 25. april 2018

Encouragement instead of mocking




I forgive myself for accepting & allowing myself to mocking my partner when he decided to wash our dishes through words 'is everything ok, honey' & 'you must be really over-bored if you decided to do the dishes'.

When and as I see myself that I'm going into mocking -- I stop and I breathe.

I see how unpleasant it was for me, when I have finally gathered the will and I have done what could/should be done along time ago, but mother started mocking me -- my will went right down again... I realise that is really time to start experimenting with effect of encouraging others instead of being angry and judgemental towards them and consequently reacting towards them in the way that helps them to stay in their old unsupportive patterns...

I commit myself to rewrite mocking (irony) program with encouragement, because I need to see the difference.




torek, 24. april 2018

Encouragement instead of anger and judgement

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at women and for judging her as lazy, weak and exploiting, because she was afraid and/or nervous and she didn’t want to / she couldn’t calm herself.

When and as I see myself getting angry at others and judging them as lazy, weak and exploited, because they are afraid and/or nervous and they don’t want to / they can't calm them-self -- I stop and breathe.

I realize that I can relocate my energy from anger and judgement to encouraging them to do things without me / on their own. If they are still not willing to give up their victim character, I leave it to them and I'm not accepting it within myself in form of anger with justification 'I'm not able to show them how they are limiting themselves'.

I commit myself to start experimenting with effect of encouraging others instead of being angry and judgemental towards them.


ponedeljek, 02. april 2018

Excitement and expectation around making a new dish (cake)



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create excitement and expectation around the cake I was planning to make, wanting it as fast as possible, wanting to taste that combination ‘before is even finished’.

When and as I see myself creating excitement and expectation around a new dish that I'm planning to make + wanting that dish to be finished and ready to taste before I even started it -- I stop and breathe.

I realize that feelings are only taking away some of my attention, which would be much better invested if it would be all put into making a new dish.
I see that when expectations are not meet, follows the disappointment, which is really not pleasant state to be in.   
I realize that only in mind I can reach things right away, but they aren't tangible...
I see, that I have a lot work / writings to do regarding the taste component.

I commit myself to ground myself before making a new 'promising' dish. I will give myself the time that is needed to do it, the permission for making mistakes, and I will eat something smaller before, to prevent nervous hurrying.

četrtek, 22. marec 2018

Irritation and overwhelmness : enthusiastic and confused speaker


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel overwhelmed and irritated whenever someone is speaking in that enthusiastic yet confused way.

When and as I see myself getting / feeling overwhelmed and irritated whenever someone is speaking in that enthusiastic yet confused way -- I stop and breathe.

I realise that I feel overwhelmed and irritated because I don't understand the massage, but I feel like I should, like it is important because it's said in that enthusiastic tone.
I see, that underneath of that is laying fear of not having any control, not having a chance to simultaneously calculate how to respond in a cool way. Lol...

I commit myself to let partner / other to first give that enthusiasm out of them self's - not forcing myself to understand their words in the first try. If I don't understand their point at the and of their speech, I ask them to shortly repeat their points.
I give partner / other space to shape their expression in my presence - because sometimes I would also like them to listen 'that important' discovery of mine which I can't yet explain clear in given moment, but 'I have to' share it with someone.



nedelja, 18. marec 2018

Procrastination of responsibility that should be prioritized





I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to procrastinate with self-support for UP via writing out and expend points that were mentioned in the private interview.

When and as I see myself procrastinating with writing out about UP on bases of the private interview -- I stop and breathe.

I realize that I'm existing as justification, that I already have enough other responsibilities like DIP lite & DIP pro + making list of words for Flasher project. But I see, that I have enough time for all of that, if I just redistribute some time from 'empty' hanging on the internet / FB to self-research...

I commit myself to put UP writings on my schedule 1 time per week for now and when I finish DIP lite, I will increase those writings.

Selfish happiness in relation to caretake

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be happy, because I don’t have to take care of mine demented and physically weak g...