torek, 13. februar 2018

Awkwardness : desire for control



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to procrastinate with contacting my supplier as I feel a bit awkward regarding the way I should approach him; I don’t want to waste his time and at the same time I want to give him enough attention.

When and as I see myself procrastinating with contacting others as I feel a bit awkward regarding the way I should approach them, I stop and breathe.

I realize that in upper case awkwardness was just a cover for desire for control; I wanted to handle situation in the way that there would be no conflict, that supplier would see me as cool-one and he would keep on supplying me with not-easy-to-get material.

I commit myself to research awkwardness when it arises within me - to see what is behind the scene. With upper case I didn't do that before the action; I just took action alone as a correction.
The result was materialized awkward moment at the end of the meeting, when I thought that the guy will give me hand again and I offered mine, but he was just in turning-around-move before he has left. I was trying to much, lol.
I also see that there is interview about awkwardness in Eqafe - I'm going to listen to it in a few minutes :)

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