Selfish happiness in relation to caretake

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be happy, because I don’t have to take care of mine demented and physically weak grandmother anymore – as I see that that is just polarity from times when I was responsible for her to a great extent and I felt unhappy.

When and as I see myself existing in selfish happiness as feeling of being free of responsibilities regarding care-taking for demented and physically weak grandmother, I stop and breathe.

I realize that taking care for such a person is already hard enough without reactions like unhappiness. I see that it is possible, that I will have to take care for another demented+ person in my life and in that case it would be much easier for me if I would accept that job and leave unhappiness behind.

I commit myself to stop pumping that happy feeling when it arises within me, as I know that unhappiness in case of repeated experience of taking care for demented one would be proportionally at least as big as it was happiness I had built before...

Hmmm… which word could I live instead – any suggestions?

Fear of skilled speaker(s)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of person’s skills in relation to manipulation of words and intonation and within this feel inferior to her.

When and as I see myself existing as fear of her skills in relation to manipulation of words and intonation and within this feel inferior to her -- I stop and breathe.

I realize that felt like this in my childhood towards my parents and is was really uncomfortable and powerless experience - it felt so unfair, because they had their tools - words and I didn't have such a strong vocabulary, thus I wasn't equal in negotiations with them. But after some years situation has turned - I started to use a humor to 'disarm' them. But in both cases there was an Ego win.

I commit myself to, when I get in conflict with skilled speaker, re-focus my attention from fearing them into learning from them. Then I us that practical skill with starting point of support and I don't allow myself to use it for spitefulness; no matter if other speaker does.