I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be happy, because I don’t have to take care of mine demented and physically weak grandmother anymore – as I see that that is just polarity from times when I was responsible for her to a great extent and I felt unhappy.
When and as I see myself existing in selfish happiness as feeling of being free of responsibilities regarding care-taking for demented and physically weak grandmother, I stop and breathe.
I realize that taking care for such a person is already hard enough without reactions like unhappiness. I see that it is possible, that I will have to take care for another demented+ person in my life and in that case it would be much easier for me if I would accept that job and leave unhappiness behind.
I commit myself to stop pumping that happy feeling when it arises within me, as I know that unhappiness in case of repeated experience of taking care for demented one would be proportionally at least as big as it was happiness I had built before...
Hmmm… which word could I live instead – any suggestions?