četrtek, 16. avgust 2018

Oh no – it looks like we will not see the sea :( !

Me and another person have had plans to go on the sea side of our country for three days. I was looking forward to it as I really like hanging in the sea, smelling pines, enjoying hotter temperatures in nice shadow…  + it was ‘a reward’ after finishing days long obligation.

Before we started our trip, we have checked the motor oil and we saw that it needs to be added. We both have done that many times before; this time I have left in the middle of pouring to do something else.
And then – suurpriiiiiiseeeee – and it wasn’t nice – person has pour too much oil in the car… I’ve asked person if they know how to solve the problem and they said – not yet. My happy mood shut down and I’ve replaced it with some kind of zombie mood. I wanted to be sad, disappointed, angry on the person, judging them as careless… thinking ‘will we see the sea at all?!’… yet something didn’t felt right. As we both are walking (Desteni I) process of removing unpractical thinking + emotional patterns, I knew that I would not be taken serious by the person if I would react. We both knew very well, that (my) reactions of sadness, disappointment, anger, judgment would not help to solve the problem – therefore they didn’t have a place in the situation. If I would have played them through, I would have to put a lot effort in that and most probably I would make a fool of myself. Still it was weird experience as I knew that if there would be somebody else in that’s person place, I would very likely start a reaction drama in the name of long lived and generally accepted habit and thus help to worsen the situation.    

But because of that experience I see, that I simply don’t have to make the drama in similar situation with any other person. No matter how many times I have reacted in this way in my past, I now self-honestly and PRACTICALLY see that it was unnecessary, selfish and it has deepened the problem. I don’t want to play such games anymore – even if others are all in for the reactions game. It’s easier to say than to do… but that was not the first situation where I quite clearly felt that reacting is nonsense… Not so long ago there was situation with my aunt, where I have reacted and she has taken me serious, but I myself saw ‘the fakeness’ / nonsense of my reactive expression.
I guess this is the consequence of walking the process for 6 years -- to finally see nonsense of reacting (which would mean prolonging the problem) sooner and to start moving as the solution sooner.

To continue with the main story:
So the person has said that they don’t know how to solve the problem (too much oil in the engine) YET. Thus we started to Googling and saw that we can have some pretty shity problems if we don’t take situation serious.
Person found ‘how to do’ videos and they stated their ‘famous’ - Is simple! -. Here I was reacting in sarcasm ‘It was simple to pour the oil, yet you couldn’t handle it…’. Not sure, if I have stated that out loud, however I decided to perceive troubleshooting as possibly doable in reasonable time and in the same time as possibly undoable on time. The storm has prevented us to take the immediate action, thus we went to sleep.     

In the morning we woke up sooner than usually and we couldn’t sleep anymore as we have had ‘work to do’…  Person was explaining the process of probable solution and I was providing tools and materials needed for the act. Person was doing the dirty & hard work and I was cheerleading. It wasn’t so simple after all and it has taken some time…. yet it has worked! We went on the trip almost at planed time.

Person was happy, because they learned something new and practically usable and because they have solved the problem they have caused, although the solution seemed quite abstract at first.
I was proud of myself, because I haven’t throw unnecessary drama and I have mead peace within myself with undesired outcome as well as forgive the person for the mistake.

Thus I’m sharing this story as a reminder for myself and for you, that is actually not necessary to react on unpleasant situation, although we have practiced that years long.
Self-reprogramming is possible, supportive and needed if we want to live in better, more relaxed and pleasant world. It takes time, but is the best way to use our time anyways.

My behavior in that situation was based on many previous experiences which I have walked with (more or less) awareness – not just automatically. Thus I gave myself opportunity to ‘clearly’ and multiple times see with my own eyes that expectations & excitement turns into disappointment and sadness when not meet. Consequently, I have lower them / let them go / forgive them most of the time I saw one is rising in me.  
My behavior in that situation was also the result of many years of partly aware experiences / not automated acknowledge that negative emotions do not solve problems (in effective & long-term way). I know that to most of us is that totally clear – in theory. Yet we still do it because we adopted it as overtaken habit and it fells homelike & fake-comfortable. Still those self-limitations / programs are neither practical neither best for all. Thus we can create new practical, life-bettering habits just in the way we did previous – with a lot of repeating (and within that failing), but this time not through automatic overtaking, but with awareness of what we want to create.   

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