sreda, 28. februar 2018

Reacting with expectation & anger to new devices




I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into anger, because (lady-comp / pearly) device did not show me what I wanted and expected to see and what device was predicting.

When and as I see myself going into anger, because the/a device doesn't show me what I want and expect to see and what device was predicting -- I stop and breathe.

I realize that I was in reaction relating new things / devices so many time before, but when I got use to them, all that reacting turned out so unnecessary and over-dramatic. I see that this time I was even more in reaction, because it was directly related to sex, to which I give a great value.

I commit myself to be more flexible - taking device's predictions for what they are - one of possibilities. After all the device is still learning and I can't expect that my menstrual cycle will be as constant as it was on contraception's pills.
+ I commit myself to working through expectations before they build up in that heavy mass with which I then pull myself down when the expectations are not meet.

ponedeljek, 26. februar 2018

Assumption : desire for attention from males




I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as anxiety when I should call a guy, because I have allowed my imagination to go wild; assuming that he is single again and he may try something.

When and as I see myself falling into assumption that some guy will try to seduce me, I stop and breathe.

I realise that beneath assumptions exist desire for being seen as attractive / interesting / desirable from males side.

I commit myself to gradually stop searching for attention from males; when I will catch myself in act, I will rather give some attention to myself - I will hug / caressing / massage myself / take few breaths to release that desire that comes hand in hand with disappointment and self-doubt, when desire is not meet – which is most of the time.

torek, 13. februar 2018

Awkwardness : desire for control



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to procrastinate with contacting my supplier as I feel a bit awkward regarding the way I should approach him; I don’t want to waste his time and at the same time I want to give him enough attention.

When and as I see myself procrastinating with contacting others as I feel a bit awkward regarding the way I should approach them, I stop and breathe.

I realize that in upper case awkwardness was just a cover for desire for control; I wanted to handle situation in the way that there would be no conflict, that supplier would see me as cool-one and he would keep on supplying me with not-easy-to-get material.

I commit myself to research awkwardness when it arises within me - to see what is behind the scene. With upper case I didn't do that before the action; I just took action alone as a correction.
The result was materialized awkward moment at the end of the meeting, when I thought that the guy will give me hand again and I offered mine, but he was just in turning-around-move before he has left. I was trying to much, lol.
I also see that there is interview about awkwardness in Eqafe - I'm going to listen to it in a few minutes :)

sobota, 3. februar 2018

Exercising




I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to postpone exercising 3x/week - as I have promised to myself.

When and as I see myself postponing exercising -- I stop and breathe.

I realize that my participation in postponement regarding exercising leads to bigger un-satisfaction with(in) myself; as I'm gaining more and more weight, I'm lacking good physical condition, I can't move myself as effective as I could, my breath is short by smallest effort, my body is not getting enough oxygen which leads to bad moods and many other unnecessary consequences...   

I commit myself to put exercising in my planer - not like optional activity anytime in a day as I did before, but as 'must done' activity that has to be done at certain hour. This week I’ll be testing hours before 3 PM (before my partner comes from work). And I'm going to put it in planer right now.