When I was in art faculty, one of our subjects was Sculpturing by which we were learning also about conceptual art. One of the projects on which we all have worked was Intimacy. My schoolmate decided to do the performance. She stepped in front of the class + camera and she stated that we can ask her whatever we want, that she will expose herself for us. For around 10 minutes – for as long as the camera battery will last.
Thus the class started to asking her random questions and she was answering. Simultaneously she took of the jacked. When she took of another piece of clothing, I saw where that was leading. She was honestly answering all of our questions and she was taking of her clothes till underwear and maybe even a bra. (We were otherwise use to see people in underwear in our classes as we were drawing models.)
I have decided to be really
there for her – as I was appreciating her offer a lot – and at the end, when
she was close to totally naked a have asked her questions that I was really interested
in and they were deep.
However focused I was in terms of empathy, I was on other side also hypnotized and enchanted by her audacity, exposure of vulnerability as well as charged with ‘fine’ sexual energy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself exist in states of hypnosis and enchantment by her audacity, exposure of vulnerability as well as in charge of ‘fine’ sexual energy.
When and as I see myself existing in states of hypnosis and enchantment over someone attributes and existing in state of sexually charged energy – I stop and I breathe.
I see that on one hand I’m making myself vulnerable – not in practical and supportive way, but as easier target for manipulation through sex preprograming…
I realize that I was hypnotized and enchanted as she was having those attributes which I would also like to have A LOT.I commit myself to in similar moments calm myself down till the extent where I will not be easy target for manipulation and I rather just learn from the person trough event as well as asking questions about how did one get to that self-empowerment after event if possible.