Ashamed for not knowing how exactly did my injury occur

While being on the faculty, I’ve attended the freshman party. I was drinking and smoking weed as usual. I did not exaggerate, I just felt nice’n’cozy when unexpected and unpleasant event happened.

I went outside with a colleague and I have slide with my hand on the doors. Suddenly those heavy metal doors closed and the thought appeared: ‘wait a minute, what has just happened… did I really stayed without top of my finger??’ I looked down and my middle finger was bleeding; few mm of finger was missing.

My other colleague accompanied me to the hospital which was like 200 meters away and they have fixed me. They needed to cut a bit more of the top and now I have hooked fingernail for the rest of my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be ashamed even in front of myself, because I don’t know what & how exactly did that happened – was it my fault, did the security guard pushed the door, I can’t even explain on which side of the door was my hand when cut happened…

When and as I see myself existing as shame, because I was too much in my mind and too little in the physical to know what has actually happened – how specifically did the injury occur – I stop and I take few breaths.

I see that others are accepting explanation that my finger top was cut by the doors and I don’t need to explain myself further and thus accumulate additional reactions within me. I realize, that the shame will not help me to see how exactly I loosed the top.

I commit myself to leave the shame behind me and rather take that memory as a reminder of what can happened if I give too much attention to my thoughts, feelings and emotions and too little to my body and my surrounding while moving around.

Gaining weight : 'You have to do somethiiing!'

Every time my mother sees that I've gained weight, she starts bugging me that I can't continue like that with words 'You have to do somethiiing!'-- although she was quite fat and she didn't managed to lose her weight - until she got gastric bypass.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my mother as two-faced, because she request from me to deal with my weight despite that she couldn't deal with her weight on her own.

I see, that she got very negative attachments regarding gaining weight; she was ashamed of herself and dissatisfied with herself, she was quite sad and hopeless, she was judging herself through the eyes of others (especially my father’s)... She doesn't want me to go through same experience, therefore she shows her worry through reminding me to change myself. And because she doesn't know how, she keeps saying that I have to do 'something'.

I commit myself to stop judging her as two-faced and comparing our situations. The content of her massage is actually commonsense - I have to change my eating and exercising habits. As far as it concerns the way she says it - it's my responsibility to stop reacting on it - because I ‘know’, that she will not change her way.