I went outside with a colleague and I have slide
with my hand on the doors. Suddenly those heavy metal doors closed and the
thought appeared: ‘wait a minute, what has just happened… did I really stayed
without top of my finger??’ I looked down and my middle finger was bleeding;
few mm of finger was missing.
My other colleague accompanied me to the
hospital which was like 200 meters away and they have fixed me. They needed to
cut a bit more of the top and now I have hooked fingernail for the rest of my
life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing
myself to be ashamed even in front of myself, because I don’t know what &
how exactly did that happened – was it my fault, did the security guard pushed
the door, I can’t even explain on which side of the door was my hand when cut
happened…
When and as I see myself existing as shame,
because I was too much in my mind and too little in the physical to know what
has actually happened – how specifically did the injury occur – I stop and I
take few breaths.
I see that others are accepting explanation that
my finger top was cut by the doors and I don’t need to explain myself further
and thus accumulate additional reactions within me. I realize, that the shame
will not help me to see how exactly I loosed the top.
I commit myself to leave the shame behind me and
rather take that memory as a reminder of what can happened if I give too much
attention to my thoughts, feelings and emotions and too little to my body and
my surrounding while moving around.
