On day x I've done cleansing
of my bowels for medical examination. It was third one in the row for me and
before doing it I got info that the prescribed laxative contains aspartame,
which many are referring as sweet poison, silent killer etc.. Therefore, I've
decided to try something different - I ate only soups for two days and I drank
a laxative drink with lots of magnesium.
At the end of the third liter
my anus was in such burning pain, that I have cried in despair at
exterminations. There came the thought 'Fuck you with 'try everything and keep
what's best''! I had that feeling like someone/something already knows what is
best, but it doesn't want to show me and therefore I have to suffer.
I forgive myself for accepting
and allowing myself to felt abandoned by the creator / universe / higher force
/ whatever and the portal while experiencing burning pain in my anus.
When and as I see myself
falling in feeling of abandonment from the creator / universe / higher force /
whatever and the portal while experiencing breath-shortening pain -- I stop and
I take few breaths anyway.
I see, that I got the idea
about chosen way of cleansing from specific person, which has usually
commonsensical statements and which did use that method that has worked well AT
HER... I understand that it was my choice to try it, no matter how much I
didn't like the consequence. [Yawning all over... -- 'I just wouldn't do that
to myself' deception] I realize, that I'm individual, a bit different than
anybody else and I have to find for myself what does work the best for me - as
I (should) know myself the best...
I've already described my
situation and asked for support in group which has a lot of experience with
bowel cleansing. In the future I will do that BEFORE I try something
sensitively new...
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